Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-25234323-20130823163643/@comment-4974883-20141011020849

New craftable item: Fedora

Crafted with: 40 straw, 1 Neckbeard Hair

Buffs: 

Restores sanity at the same rate as the Tam.

If your character is male, you can tip the fedora at female characters, which causes them to have all their sanity restored to 200% of their max sanity. When this happens, the male character says "M'lady". You can also tip it at mobs to convert them to your side, with different phrases like "M'spider", "M'deerclops", etc. 

You can craft doritos from 4 corn. Doritos will restore lots of hunger and sanity, but drain health. You also move slower from being so fat, but this has the advantage of causing any more damage to hurt less because of the extra cushioning. If you eat 4 Doritos or Mountain Dew in a row, you lose the ability to equip any chest items because they no longer fit.

You can craft mountain dew from at least 2.5 fruit and 1 sweetener. The mountain dew will give you the "MLG" buff, which makes you better at combat, but the screen shakes around a shit ton and dubstep plays. If you're playing as Webber, you have a seizure from the bright lights. 

Cons:

Wearing it causes a bunch of douchebags to surround you and corrupt you with their douchebaggery, which causes your health to drain at 1 per minute.

If you're a female and you tip the fedora at male characters, the male character says "omg girls dont play video games" and uncontrollably attacks you.

Female mobs like the Spider Queen can inflict a new buff called "Friendzoned". This will instantly kill you and cause you to respawn in the 7th level of hell. You must fight through a bunch of demons on your way there.

When you first craft a fedora, a new item called "The Waifu" appears somewhere in the world. It resembled a body pillow with Zoe Quinn on it. Holding it gives you a little sanity boost, but you can't use the Teleportato until you find it.

(i think this is the first non-shitpost idea in this thread in a while.)